But the water tastes better

Thanksgiving was not as bad as expected. The baby didn't cry the whole time and the children were otherwise occupied most of the time. But my great grandfather, whom I've seen twice and never spoken to because he chose to ignore our side of the family for years is now living with my grandma because he's too senile to live on his own. He doesn't remember many of us. Leaving, I wasn't sure whether to say 'Nice to see you' or 'Nice to meet you.' He seemed nice enough.
My family has their problems like everyone else's, so I'm starting to hate the holidays, but I love all of them no matter what.
And after we left, we went to Walmart and bought an iPod, seven hours before the rest of the world bought one for ten dollars cheaper. And coloring books and an ACDC cd. Good times.
And today was such a good day. Coffee with Trevor, which included bumping into David, Nicolai, and of all people Brendan, led to Christmas shopping with Moses and Heather, which led to driving around with Malinda, which ended up at Moses' house, at which phone calls led to being in Oleary's house a little while before she got there to see her and Amelia when they got home from Delaware.
Tonight I got to have a few deep conversations with good friends of mine, and reconnect with some people. That feels good.

MEWO I love dick. And so do you.

shaving cream

assraped by college
Pickleball makes me happy
a haiku for yew

I say fools in love are zeroes, I should know, I should know because this fool's in love again...

Today started out as one of "those days" that average, everyday people bitch and moan about. Slightly stressful, but in reality quite mundane. Which honestly, was only due to the fact that I am so easily stressted/angered/frustrated/etc by little meaningless things. This morning was one of running late, noticing the snow and having no warm clothes readily available, being nagged, getting pissed beyond belief at the Advising and Counseling Center for putting a hold on my account which prevented me from registering for classes. The hold on my account was what truly set me off and caused me to have an unpleasant morning/early afternoon. Thanks to my lovely sister and her assertiveness that issue has been taken care of.

Thankfully, the body of my day was spent running here and there with two great people who seem to get along quite well, which is so perfect. Especially considering the uncanny way that my sister can find herself hating the people I surround myself with. We ran around looking for shoes, visiting multiple wal*marts (getting 'free samples'), being crowded in a backseat, and other silly happenings. All-in-all it was a simple day, but so enjoyable.

Currently, I'm finding myself not tired enough for the hour that it is and feeling simply very self-aware. Which cannot ever be a good thing for me. It's one of those nights that a few years ago staring out my window watching the night brighten into day. I was always comfortable with my own thoughts at these hours. Watching the pink sky reflect back on the pond, like I would on myself, but in a remarkably comfortable way. I used to love the shockingly cold air, even piercing at times. I wonder sometimes if I really am happy right now or if I am just in a period of repression. Just blocking out the things that bother me and not letting myself think those thoughts that made me hate myself so much. But then in the same breath I know that I am happy. If this isn't happiness then I truly don't know what happiness is and I like to think that I don't suck at life that much.

I also remember a time when this hour led to some of the most beautiful thoughts and creative bursts. I haven't had one of those in so long. Maybe that's because going to college has exposed me to some really great artists which has brought me into a slight creative rut, comparing myself to others. I miss having the art teacher who was part counselor, telling me constantly to keep my chin up and to only judge myself against myself, who is the toughest critic anyway. I miss my artistic ignorance from highschool. I miss thinking I was in the top of some of my classes and showing off my works without a second thought. Not that it didn't take me long to get to that point, but I do miss it. I guess I'm just missing a confidence thing, which wasn't even brought on by myself, it was the fact that I fed off the comments of others to keep me going (even with things outside the art realm).

I don't have people constantly telling me that I am doing the correct thing, but I have something better. I have someone who truly cares for me. Moreso than I probably realizes. And beyond that I care for him more than he can probably imagine. It feels so great to have someone I can tell things to and feel comfortable just spending time with. I can't stop listening to silly love songs and I'm not complaining.

I suppose that this hour has proven to be one of reflection and I pretty positive one I suppose. I love the sound sleep that comes after a good conversation, a creative splurge or getting a slight release from allowing my mind to wander without worry and realizing that I don't have to be afraid of my own thoughts anymore. I really wish I could get back into the habit of writing daily. Maybe I'll set up a personal account on here...

in rhythm we survive

Last night was a bad night. Fight, blame, guilt, lj melodrama, honesty, perspective. It got better, and there were apologies, which was relieving. I just want to shake this feeling. I don't owe anything to anybody but myself. And for the first time in three years I want to honestly believe that.
It was a great day before that though. Unsolved Mysteries, Cooperz, failed Olive Garden venture, tacos, ghetto beats, where are the raviolis??, pervy old men, Superbad, Denny's for far too long, camping fail, porch swings, and no sleep followed by lots of sleep. When moments feel like days it's hard to say life is less than wonderful.

There's one hell of a party in Chicago

I cannot focus lately. Too much is on my mind.
Estrogen must attach to receptors in the brain that makes women not know what they want.
It's extremely likely that my personal life is going to change soon, the repercussions of which are unknown and slightly worrisome. The long and short of it is I'm looking out for me, because if I don't then who will?
And it is inevitable that the nation is going to change. Unless you're under a rock, you know it's election night. And some people have even made adorable cupcakes for the occasion! Voting for the first time was empowering actually. (As I write this, the polls close in 40 seconds.) Old people active in the community are so friendly. Even the guy with an eye patch. He was pretty awesome. Part of me doesn't feel like I actually make much of an impact, despite what all the rock-the-vote ads say. And the other part of me is terrified of what could happen if who I voted for becomes the next President. Either of them actually. We might be doomed. Or this could be the change we need.
But now that everyone's done their part, all there's left to do is watch numbers flip on the television. Somehow, I'd rather get wasted or fall asleep until tomorrow when we know who won.
But I can't sleep, I have a philosophy take-home midterm, an article to research for meditation, and an accounting exam to study for. At least CNN is teleporting holograms, that's pretty cool.

And people are just people,
They shouldn't make you nervous.
The world is everlasting,
It's coming and it's going.
If you don't toss your plastic,
The streets won't be so plastic.
And if you kiss somebody,
Then both of you'll get practice.

walk ins are not so much encouraged

even though it ended up awwwright. A shower, three phone calls, an awkward request for clothes, then surprise! Awkward be gone. But NEVER the jokes.

Halloween was all apples to apples, jewish asian pumpkin eaters. Toast! To not being Shelby. The Shrine, in all its holyness, has been stolen by the foremost hippy. Rosie O'Donnell vs. Bullfight.We never did get to catch an Asian child. We devoured many Swedish children. Potatoes toes! It started snowing shaving cream and reres. Pteradactyl! BIITCH GIVE ME HEAD, all at the Spencer party! Hitler, Rosa Parks, Dr. Kervorkian and AIDs had a wicked party. Only, only two of them showed up. Ginger crotches make for funny shit. JFK vs. Gangsters. We totally deserved four cups of ranch, and the eavesdropping waiter finally got a tip.

Leesa! Forest fires or homeless shelters! Which would you rather go towards?

apparently i'm a 12 year old

"Boys push midgets out of their unicorn horns." I'm so lucky to have a big sister to teach me things.

"If you love ABBA, I want you to raise your left hand! Now if you love orange spandex, I want you to nod your head vigorously!!" And I'm lucky to have friends who introduce me to new cultural experiences.

Legally Blonde was so much fun, and not as air-head-y as we expected it to be. And buff shirtless guys didn't hurt one bit. A lot of talking on the way there and back. It put a lot of things in perspective. And there was an accordion player outside after the show! If he had had a monkey and wasn't such a jerk about it, we may have thrown money at him.
Before Mama Mia, we went to dinner at Tanino's and I got one of those restaurant-setting anxiety attack things I get where I felt like I was going to vomit the dinner I felt obligated to eat.
But the show was really funny and we rocked out at the end of it. Theatre is lovely.
Then the boys came over and watched Saw IV, which nobody understood, and some Always Sunny, drinking energy drinks and talking until we passed out on a unicorn blanket.
Now, I'm watching Eric Clapton and Guster on youtube, trying to think of things to do to kill time until I'm tired enough to sleep.

I can't control you, I don't know you well.

Things I like: Horrible, stupid things that people shouldn't get pleasure out of that I do. Yesterday almost in it's entirety. A song by Laura Marling. Highs. Skipping math class. <33. Seeing Malinda. Eating Chinese. Being comfortable with a lot of things that I wasn't just a month or so ago. Having self-esteem. Playlists with meaning. Razorblades in candy! When my English instructor doesn't suck. Our little corner in the library. The idiosyncracies in the way people walk. Needing and being needed.


Things I don't like: Thirty dollar headphones breaking after less than 20 uses. The fact that I can't control so many things. Not being invited to things and people talking about it all the time in front of me. Lows. Specific people. Specific people invading my favored social networking website. The fact that we avoid people, but then again that's probably for the best. My lack of ambition. My inability to make things better. Being selfish and childish. Specifically specific people. The price of coffee going up at school.

midway (or, episodes? what episodes)

Group projects are horrible, in that never-getting-together-way. Old propaganda films about Midway FTW. It's doing crazy music and birds that "Tojo has sworn to liberate!" Straw on a camels back gave way to sobbing hysterically for two hours, then peace and watching trees try to kill off the Northeast (bet it was a 'buplican plan! OH NOES) Then everything between the offended parties healed, and life was good.

Peacock earrings, makeup, big black baggy pants, piggitails and some rainbows. Ready for Halloween?

que sera sera

Have you ever been trying to find something to wear and you start asking yourself ridiculous questions like 'how come nobody in this house has a pair of tall red boots?'
So things are less than marvelous lately and plans are falling apart a little today. But new plans are coming together in their place and tonight promises to be amazing. :D
I'm going to miss the East/West game but I get to see a musical instead! Expect an update later.

MEWO: My black boots fell apart. But they were nice while they lasted.

I spent the last few hours with only myself, a pen and paper just writing. I think it helped a lot. I got to be completely unapologetically honest. I got to fully think about things I may have been afraid to voice which was good. I am really shaky and anxious though and I'm not sure why, maybe a mental purging or something. I don't know, I guess I'm just exhausted now.

Epp18

On Friday I slept in til noon, then got ready and hung out with the boys for all of fifteen minutes looking through postsecrets feeling like a dork until Jayyne showed up. She skipped her last class and walked up the godforsaken hill Yay! The the guys left, we talked on the couch. (anorexic penises for anorexic vaginas!) Then Badinda and Leesa came over and we learned that we can not stand for the government adding chemicals to our earth and water because it causes low-forming rainbows. Everyone knows this was not happenning 20 years ago! What is oozing out of our ground??
Dear Jesus, some people.
In other news, I just got deja vu.
So we had a girls day. We headed to the hospital for Dinda to get a gift. Then we went to Target and the mall. She bought shoes and a scarf, Leesa and I were sexually inappropriate for an old man in the parking lot, there were two suns, we got Bawls and candy bracelets : ). After, we dropped Jayyne off then headed to BFE to drop Leesa off. Which is always a lovely, death-defying trip. On the way home, Dinda and I talked about boys and what we've been up to and stuff.
Then the rest of the weekend was dedicated to the wedding. The boy has family in town because his cousin is getting married. A little affair at their house. The couple was a lot of fun. They're young, but happy and seem really compatible. Since I was all by myself when I got home from the mall, I called the boys and asked them to come get me. So they came over, one being slightly tipsy (shh) and tried to sneak up on me by walking around my house. Clevvver. We went to Rite Aid. We got mentos, diet coke, and frosted aminal cookies. So we went back to Dan's house and did the mentos and coke. Not as impressive as youtube makes it out to be. Then we went in and met some of the family and hung out with the younger generation. Then, of all things, The Ring comes on. So we watch it because there are at least three people who hadn't seen it. It's pretty effed up. And most everyone but Megan, the boys and I went to bed. And we fell asleep on the couch until about 1, then were kicked out.
Then Saturday was the actually wedding day, so we headed out to be there around 1:30. The ceremony was short and chilly. Then everyone was everywhere taking pictures, so Nate and I just sat on the sofa and talked to Margo. Her and Jeff are actually really good parents. After dinner and pictures, everyone changed into jeans and chilled out. Later on in the evening, we played cards, "it's fine but the youngins are not allowed to touch the whisky", watched UFC, decided that since everyone was having a good time that we should stay over as well, the whisky disappeared, we learned in which country are you most likely to receive oral sex (Austria btdub), and tried to have three people sleep on one sofa. Epic fail on that one.
The next morning we woke to babies crying and people talking and ate breakfast (coffee mmmmmm) and left. When I got home I slept from ten til two. Which is why I'll be up late again tonight, oops.
And I can't stop listening to depressing country songs. :/

Upcoming..hah

I'm looking forward to Tuesday, October 21, 2008.
:D

Sixteen..

fucking fucking fuck.

episode 15

dad thought I was a robber the other morning, five o clock with the squawking door and a moon brightbrightbright sky.

kinda haven't seen anyone in a long tiem. tiem is stoopid.

college hunting sucks, but not as bad as parental-pressure-college-search.

it can be sleep tiem now?

no. am work tiem. work tiem for le boo.

Eppie 13z

"You can't park here; it's Handicapped!"
"Well, if we shot them all, then we wouldn't have this problem now would we?"

E12: Return to Eppies

I just walked from my home to the gas station at the bottom of the hill all for the sake of a can of Monster. It's not late but walking around by yourself is not the best idea after dark. I made it alive, obviously, but it's a scary world out there. I passed at least three shady people also walking at night and my street was surprisingly busy. I mean, cars hardly go there in the day time, I shouldn't be seeing twenty drive past me on a Tuesday. It seemed odd. Maybe there was a party somewhere. And to top it all off, someone honked at me! Where's the fish?? So I spent the whole way back up looking behind me every time I heard a car and developing plans in case I get attacked. Like figuring out which neighbors were home, if there was anything heavy I could fight back with, or what direction I could run in.
Now, my question here is: is there really anything to be afraid of? This isn't exactly the ghetto. It's upper middle class, small town America, yet I get twitchy walking around in it? Is this just an issue for young females? We've been trained by Oprah and our mothers not to walk around parking garages or isolated streets alone. Is this an American phenomenon? The media shows us criminals and rapists and horror stories until we lock ourselves in our homes and buy security systems and handguns, just in case. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. But the Monster was worth it, no doubt.

In other news: the boy is home (yay!), I have a group project due in four hours that idk how I'll finish, my uterus hurts, I want to go to the city for New Years, and I need a new wardrobe.

Music and cradle robbers and moral standing and shoes and secrets and "who-ha's" and what's that one kid's name?
We haven't had conversations quite like that in a while.

MEWO: tell me one thing i don't know about you

:]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Episode Eleven

A woman walks in with two middle-school girls. They get their business done,a s the woman signs what she wants to her daughter. The other girl starts lamenting that she put the wrong emoticon in her text "to a boy". She then proudly informed me that once, her brother came how with an armband on! That armband had a swastika on it! Gee golly gosh! Racist people! With... deaf friends.

That's what work was today.

mewo: that kinda-cute-ceramics-guy just called me stoned.

Epp Ten

Burn After Reading. Go see it. You may only laugh about twice through the whole movie, but it may be the funniest thing you watch this month. And George Clooney is never bad to look at.
And! I wore my electric blue tights today. I've been waiting for the weather to give me an excuse, and it finally has.
I love October. Apparently there's a horror movie fest on AMC the 24-31.

It's break week.. So far the plan is living without plans. And the boy leaves for DC in two days. He's got new suits and shoes and suitcases. I hope political science nerds aren't the arrogant pricks they're made out to be. Let's see how well two clingy cancers do over a whole week. So for my break, I'm looking forward to good times with good people, or at the very least good reading.

MEWO: boobies are WAYY too squishy for me.
Satisfied, whore?

Nine

"You wanna make out underneath the Eiffel Tower?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because, you thought the Eiffel Tower was in New York City."

"God damn."

EppieEight: I want to try the provolone!!!!

Waaaah. Paul Newman :[[[

Despite the tragedy that that is and the fact that Pizza Hut is trying to convince me that ham is bacon, I've just capped off a really great week even if everywhere we go people seem to think that Dennis and I are actually incompetent. "This is "T", do you know "T"?" "Watch out for this step!!!", etc.

Monday rolled in slowly and I can't really recall much from it aside from the fact that I couldn't taste the coffee I was attempting to drink. Tuesday was spent inhaling Chinese food without chewing, roaming aimlessly around campus for 2 hours with Brittany and then chillin' in their apartment 'not watching cable' and seeing lots of titties. Wednesday was a fun day riding in a crazy car, salvo shopping for Bill Cosby sweaters, mushroom pizza and walking around looking homeless (waaah spiders). Thursdizzle was fun with the several hour block of sitting in the cafeteria without class. Especially with the whole "WE ARE NOT BREAKING UP!!!!!!" bit. Friday proved the most awkward for more than one person but was still a good time. Hello, nasty breakfast subs with mold! Waiting two hours for Buhhweeto to get done and then nearly missing the bus, creepin' in Weggie's for a couple of hours over a turkey sub, then coffee night which brought on the awkwardness. We did however create a delicious drink of coconut and raspberry smoothies and chewed carrots and had puppy dog face wars which led to the cross-chewing of one stick of gum, sippage of said drink and the consumption of meat bawlz dipped in the drink. Today was spent hardly moving from the corner of a couch watching Chowder, too many episodes of That 70's Show, and football(...) and watching John kind of fail at making a bracelet. Not to mention the fact that my nose has been all but raped throughout the course of the day. Relief came when we ventured out of the apartment for a trip to Applebee's where we successfully proved our mental capabilities to our waitress. Following that we headed back and watched Brittany take about 5 tries to make a successful wedding card for her cousin.

Making a long story short, I basically love life right now.

Epp Seven

You know what I hate? I am a grown woman and teenage kids can still make me want to shrink into nothing. I'm too old for this.
But tonight was one of the most cherished events in a college student's life: Free coffee night at the local coffee house. The organized event was bingo. We did not win. At all. So most of the time was spent socializing with everyone.
From my table, there were close friends, actually playing bingo, loud-as-fuck rednecks, Vas antagonizing the bingo caller. Btw, Vas is a 50 year old friend of my sister's who hugged up on me in the beginning of the night, and once, while slightly inebriated, gave me some of the best advice I can remember that wasn't from my mama.
Then there was the table in the middle, with a coconut/man juice/carrot/strawberry concoction, Bill Cosby, sitting on Leesa's lap, rere noises, choking Frittany with excitement.
But I spend most of my time outside with a few friendly acquaintances. Talking about secondhand chainsmoking, handmade, perfectly sized leather moccasins for cheap I fully intend to buy, the concept of masculinity, how to make money off the internet, some manipulated comments (a skill all women have and should probably use more often) that accused them of calling me a variety of names including ugly, fat, skanky, disease-ridden, incestuous, a pedophile, and probably more. Now I need to think of more creative ways to make Alex uncomfortable.
For everything that could go wrong, tonight was pretty bitchin'. Times like this I really like people.
MEWO: I've been a bad, bad girl.

Episode Six.

As is turns out, people are crazy enough to want to eat other people's boogers, as long as these people happen to be famous and crazy and named "Jimmy Urine"

MEWO: The Mindless Self Indulgence concert was nuts.

Epp Five

Wednesday was a Denny's day. We learned that Bohn can't talk, it isn't just me. Leesa is now hacking up a lung because of a chunk of food that flew out of Smennis' throat. Frittany got the bitchin necklace and as predicted Smennis was so jealous. But really now, who wouldn't be? Leesa probably has more to say than I can. All I remember is having hissy fits with Leesa, feminine hygene products in the back of the car, and making Bohn uncomfortable because he hates people and we almost touched him that one time.
Other than that, my life has consisted of destroying electronics, sunset walks, exhilerating rides on farm equipment, abandoned rock foundations, broken beer bottles, 90s sweaters, video games, talking about women, and shooting stars. This hick town ain't so bad.
MEWO: I have to clean a three month mess is one hour. Wish me luck.

Eppie Four

I've been on a pop music binge as of late. Like 4srs, I'm rockin' out to Nelly Furtado at the moment.

Anywho, week so far is okayish:
friends with 1,000 dollar speeding tickets, getting midgets coffee, matchy-matchy blazers, number lines!, grown man bitch fits, "Oh gross, he's so...indie.", tiny Greek man penis, Carrier pigeons, lap-sitting on public transport, purple clam necklaces, "wait...is that a vagina...or...?", random deli guy, clay pokemon, "JUSTGETMEAYOHOO!", dollar ripping, lezzbeanzz on teh bus.

And yay Denny's tomorrow, so a post will most likely be in order.

Episode Three: Better than Your Moma.

Episode Two: Matt Dremer

It. It was horrifying.

It stated innocently enough. A rather graceful dying-swan fall in the entrance of a museum. The hairgelled greeter asks if I'm okay. Leesa and I were too busy laughing. Eventually, joking about euthanasia and other wonderful remidies gave way to us actually leaving. What we didn't figure out at the time, was the intense power of CREEPER MATT. We were fooled. We though, "hey, he's just another awkward twenty-year-old-dude with too much hairgel" and went on our merry way. We exchange quips with him whenever we pass.

Little did we know. Oh, how ignorant we were.

As we wait for Brandii to get done with work, we sit at the cafe-part of the job, open and near the entrence with the greeters. He walks towards us, and starts talking. Something about a little hand pulling at his coattails as he tried giving directions. He procedes to DEMONSTRATE the hand-on-lower-back- thing, and smiles freeze and goosebumps of creeped-out raise up. He then compares the THREE YEAR OLD GIRL to a PLAYBOY MODEL.

He leaves. Leesa and I look at each other, weirded out. Oh, but he keeps coming back to talk to us. The conversations get WORSE. Opera. Gloved hands in nooks and crannies. How thongs reduce cellulite. When he works. Glass underwear. "Manscaping". Three guess who didn't bring this shit up? I craved pepper spray. This isn't even the full extent of everything he said. I won't delve any farther into manscaping, but it was discussed by it, extensivly. I held an umbrella in front of me for most of the encounters, ready to stab him with it given the oppertunity. Of course, he isn't hitting on Leesa. Oh, no. He's hitting on me. Death would be kinder. Matt Dremer, go die in a fire. DIE.

MEWO: The memories still burn. Need to scrub at self until any residue of IT is gone.

Eppie#1

Yeah, I said it, eppie.

So, who wants to hear about the riveting life of a community college student? So yeah: psychology was like learning about brains and stuff. Had an hour break and made the most 4srsly delicious cup of dark chocolate coffee. Had a sexy crit. in professor sexy's class. etc, etc, etc.
Rode the bus with the smelly lesbian/obese man that has a hard on/girlie erection for real Trisha. Microwaved some babies with an epileptic woman.

Met with Brandii (late of course. . .) and had a cute girlie pizza date. Swapped for Jayyne and had a sexy walk. And met...

Intru with In-tu-it Inuits

It's BRAAAAAAANDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Leesa would be explaining the meaning of life, but right now she's noodling everywhere.
We are very excited to bring you life from our point of view. Which is significantly superior to the views of those we write about.

By the way, this is Leesa and um, did anyone see the hot&sexxii clips of Daniel Radcliffe prancing about all naked and stuff in Equus? Hello nugget of a penis, I mean 4srs. Jaynenenenenene?

It's kinda sad. Like a baby bird that's tiny and small and hairy. Trying to fly.
Euuw.

MEWO:
We got crunk at a fest with burr then the sirens went off and we got scurred at the dd yaknow?
Whatever happened to Shaggy?
Umbrella penis-defense, ftw.