Thanksgiving was not as bad as expected. The baby didn't cry the whole time and the children were otherwise occupied most of the time. But my great grandfather, whom I've seen twice and never spoken to because he chose to ignore our side of the family for years is now living with my grandma because he's too senile to live on his own. He doesn't remember many of us. Leaving, I wasn't sure whether to say 'Nice to see you' or 'Nice to meet you.' He seemed nice enough.
My family has their problems like everyone else's, so I'm starting to hate the holidays, but I love all of them no matter what.
And after we left, we went to Walmart and bought an iPod, seven hours before the rest of the world bought one for ten dollars cheaper. And coloring books and an ACDC cd. Good times.
And today was such a good day. Coffee with Trevor, which included bumping into David, Nicolai, and of all people Brendan, led to Christmas shopping with Moses and Heather, which led to driving around with Malinda, which ended up at Moses' house, at which phone calls led to being in Oleary's house a little while before she got there to see her and Amelia when they got home from Delaware.
Tonight I got to have a few deep conversations with good friends of mine, and reconnect with some people. That feels good.
MEWO I love dick. And so do you.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
I say fools in love are zeroes, I should know, I should know because this fool's in love again...
Today started out as one of "those days" that average, everyday people bitch and moan about. Slightly stressful, but in reality quite mundane. Which honestly, was only due to the fact that I am so easily stressted/angered/frustrated/etc by little meaningless things. This morning was one of running late, noticing the snow and having no warm clothes readily available, being nagged, getting pissed beyond belief at the Advising and Counseling Center for putting a hold on my account which prevented me from registering for classes. The hold on my account was what truly set me off and caused me to have an unpleasant morning/early afternoon. Thanks to my lovely sister and her assertiveness that issue has been taken care of.
Thankfully, the body of my day was spent running here and there with two great people who seem to get along quite well, which is so perfect. Especially considering the uncanny way that my sister can find herself hating the people I surround myself with. We ran around looking for shoes, visiting multiple wal*marts (getting 'free samples'), being crowded in a backseat, and other silly happenings. All-in-all it was a simple day, but so enjoyable.
Currently, I'm finding myself not tired enough for the hour that it is and feeling simply very self-aware. Which cannot ever be a good thing for me. It's one of those nights that a few years ago staring out my window watching the night brighten into day. I was always comfortable with my own thoughts at these hours. Watching the pink sky reflect back on the pond, like I would on myself, but in a remarkably comfortable way. I used to love the shockingly cold air, even piercing at times. I wonder sometimes if I really am happy right now or if I am just in a period of repression. Just blocking out the things that bother me and not letting myself think those thoughts that made me hate myself so much. But then in the same breath I know that I am happy. If this isn't happiness then I truly don't know what happiness is and I like to think that I don't suck at life that much.
I also remember a time when this hour led to some of the most beautiful thoughts and creative bursts. I haven't had one of those in so long. Maybe that's because going to college has exposed me to some really great artists which has brought me into a slight creative rut, comparing myself to others. I miss having the art teacher who was part counselor, telling me constantly to keep my chin up and to only judge myself against myself, who is the toughest critic anyway. I miss my artistic ignorance from highschool. I miss thinking I was in the top of some of my classes and showing off my works without a second thought. Not that it didn't take me long to get to that point, but I do miss it. I guess I'm just missing a confidence thing, which wasn't even brought on by myself, it was the fact that I fed off the comments of others to keep me going (even with things outside the art realm).
I don't have people constantly telling me that I am doing the correct thing, but I have something better. I have someone who truly cares for me. Moreso than I probably realizes. And beyond that I care for him more than he can probably imagine. It feels so great to have someone I can tell things to and feel comfortable just spending time with. I can't stop listening to silly love songs and I'm not complaining.
I suppose that this hour has proven to be one of reflection and I pretty positive one I suppose. I love the sound sleep that comes after a good conversation, a creative splurge or getting a slight release from allowing my mind to wander without worry and realizing that I don't have to be afraid of my own thoughts anymore. I really wish I could get back into the habit of writing daily. Maybe I'll set up a personal account on here...
Thankfully, the body of my day was spent running here and there with two great people who seem to get along quite well, which is so perfect. Especially considering the uncanny way that my sister can find herself hating the people I surround myself with. We ran around looking for shoes, visiting multiple wal*marts (getting 'free samples'), being crowded in a backseat, and other silly happenings. All-in-all it was a simple day, but so enjoyable.
Currently, I'm finding myself not tired enough for the hour that it is and feeling simply very self-aware. Which cannot ever be a good thing for me. It's one of those nights that a few years ago staring out my window watching the night brighten into day. I was always comfortable with my own thoughts at these hours. Watching the pink sky reflect back on the pond, like I would on myself, but in a remarkably comfortable way. I used to love the shockingly cold air, even piercing at times. I wonder sometimes if I really am happy right now or if I am just in a period of repression. Just blocking out the things that bother me and not letting myself think those thoughts that made me hate myself so much. But then in the same breath I know that I am happy. If this isn't happiness then I truly don't know what happiness is and I like to think that I don't suck at life that much.
I also remember a time when this hour led to some of the most beautiful thoughts and creative bursts. I haven't had one of those in so long. Maybe that's because going to college has exposed me to some really great artists which has brought me into a slight creative rut, comparing myself to others. I miss having the art teacher who was part counselor, telling me constantly to keep my chin up and to only judge myself against myself, who is the toughest critic anyway. I miss my artistic ignorance from highschool. I miss thinking I was in the top of some of my classes and showing off my works without a second thought. Not that it didn't take me long to get to that point, but I do miss it. I guess I'm just missing a confidence thing, which wasn't even brought on by myself, it was the fact that I fed off the comments of others to keep me going (even with things outside the art realm).
I don't have people constantly telling me that I am doing the correct thing, but I have something better. I have someone who truly cares for me. Moreso than I probably realizes. And beyond that I care for him more than he can probably imagine. It feels so great to have someone I can tell things to and feel comfortable just spending time with. I can't stop listening to silly love songs and I'm not complaining.
I suppose that this hour has proven to be one of reflection and I pretty positive one I suppose. I love the sound sleep that comes after a good conversation, a creative splurge or getting a slight release from allowing my mind to wander without worry and realizing that I don't have to be afraid of my own thoughts anymore. I really wish I could get back into the habit of writing daily. Maybe I'll set up a personal account on here...
Sunday, November 9, 2008
in rhythm we survive
Last night was a bad night. Fight, blame, guilt, lj melodrama, honesty, perspective. It got better, and there were apologies, which was relieving. I just want to shake this feeling. I don't owe anything to anybody but myself. And for the first time in three years I want to honestly believe that.
It was a great day before that though. Unsolved Mysteries, Cooperz, failed Olive Garden venture, tacos, ghetto beats, where are the raviolis??, pervy old men, Superbad, Denny's for far too long, camping fail, porch swings, and no sleep followed by lots of sleep. When moments feel like days it's hard to say life is less than wonderful.
It was a great day before that though. Unsolved Mysteries, Cooperz, failed Olive Garden venture, tacos, ghetto beats, where are the raviolis??, pervy old men, Superbad, Denny's for far too long, camping fail, porch swings, and no sleep followed by lots of sleep. When moments feel like days it's hard to say life is less than wonderful.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
There's one hell of a party in Chicago
I cannot focus lately. Too much is on my mind.
Estrogen must attach to receptors in the brain that makes women not know what they want.
It's extremely likely that my personal life is going to change soon, the repercussions of which are unknown and slightly worrisome. The long and short of it is I'm looking out for me, because if I don't then who will?
And it is inevitable that the nation is going to change. Unless you're under a rock, you know it's election night. And some people have even made adorable cupcakes for the occasion! Voting for the first time was empowering actually. (As I write this, the polls close in 40 seconds.) Old people active in the community are so friendly. Even the guy with an eye patch. He was pretty awesome. Part of me doesn't feel like I actually make much of an impact, despite what all the rock-the-vote ads say. And the other part of me is terrified of what could happen if who I voted for becomes the next President. Either of them actually. We might be doomed. Or this could be the change we need.
But now that everyone's done their part, all there's left to do is watch numbers flip on the television. Somehow, I'd rather get wasted or fall asleep until tomorrow when we know who won.
But I can't sleep, I have a philosophy take-home midterm, an article to research for meditation, and an accounting exam to study for. At least CNN is teleporting holograms, that's pretty cool.
Estrogen must attach to receptors in the brain that makes women not know what they want.
It's extremely likely that my personal life is going to change soon, the repercussions of which are unknown and slightly worrisome. The long and short of it is I'm looking out for me, because if I don't then who will?
And it is inevitable that the nation is going to change. Unless you're under a rock, you know it's election night. And some people have even made adorable cupcakes for the occasion! Voting for the first time was empowering actually. (As I write this, the polls close in 40 seconds.) Old people active in the community are so friendly. Even the guy with an eye patch. He was pretty awesome. Part of me doesn't feel like I actually make much of an impact, despite what all the rock-the-vote ads say. And the other part of me is terrified of what could happen if who I voted for becomes the next President. Either of them actually. We might be doomed. Or this could be the change we need.
But now that everyone's done their part, all there's left to do is watch numbers flip on the television. Somehow, I'd rather get wasted or fall asleep until tomorrow when we know who won.
But I can't sleep, I have a philosophy take-home midterm, an article to research for meditation, and an accounting exam to study for. At least CNN is teleporting holograms, that's pretty cool.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
walk ins are not so much encouraged
even though it ended up awwwright. A shower, three phone calls, an awkward request for clothes, then surprise! Awkward be gone. But NEVER the jokes.
Halloween was all apples to apples, jewish asian pumpkin eaters. Toast! To not being Shelby. The Shrine, in all its holyness, has been stolen by the foremost hippy. Rosie O'Donnell vs. Bullfight.We never did get to catch an Asian child. We devoured many Swedish children. Potatoes toes! It started snowing shaving cream and reres. Pteradactyl! BIITCH GIVE ME HEAD, all at the Spencer party! Hitler, Rosa Parks, Dr. Kervorkian and AIDs had a wicked party. Only, only two of them showed up. Ginger crotches make for funny shit. JFK vs. Gangsters. We totally deserved four cups of ranch, and the eavesdropping waiter finally got a tip.
Leesa! Forest fires or homeless shelters! Which would you rather go towards?
Halloween was all apples to apples, jewish asian pumpkin eaters. Toast! To not being Shelby. The Shrine, in all its holyness, has been stolen by the foremost hippy. Rosie O'Donnell vs. Bullfight.We never did get to catch an Asian child. We devoured many Swedish children. Potatoes toes! It started snowing shaving cream and reres. Pteradactyl! BIITCH GIVE ME HEAD, all at the Spencer party! Hitler, Rosa Parks, Dr. Kervorkian and AIDs had a wicked party. Only, only two of them showed up. Ginger crotches make for funny shit. JFK vs. Gangsters. We totally deserved four cups of ranch, and the eavesdropping waiter finally got a tip.
Leesa! Forest fires or homeless shelters! Which would you rather go towards?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)