EppieEight: I want to try the provolone!!!!

Waaaah. Paul Newman :[[[

Despite the tragedy that that is and the fact that Pizza Hut is trying to convince me that ham is bacon, I've just capped off a really great week even if everywhere we go people seem to think that Dennis and I are actually incompetent. "This is "T", do you know "T"?" "Watch out for this step!!!", etc.

Monday rolled in slowly and I can't really recall much from it aside from the fact that I couldn't taste the coffee I was attempting to drink. Tuesday was spent inhaling Chinese food without chewing, roaming aimlessly around campus for 2 hours with Brittany and then chillin' in their apartment 'not watching cable' and seeing lots of titties. Wednesday was a fun day riding in a crazy car, salvo shopping for Bill Cosby sweaters, mushroom pizza and walking around looking homeless (waaah spiders). Thursdizzle was fun with the several hour block of sitting in the cafeteria without class. Especially with the whole "WE ARE NOT BREAKING UP!!!!!!" bit. Friday proved the most awkward for more than one person but was still a good time. Hello, nasty breakfast subs with mold! Waiting two hours for Buhhweeto to get done and then nearly missing the bus, creepin' in Weggie's for a couple of hours over a turkey sub, then coffee night which brought on the awkwardness. We did however create a delicious drink of coconut and raspberry smoothies and chewed carrots and had puppy dog face wars which led to the cross-chewing of one stick of gum, sippage of said drink and the consumption of meat bawlz dipped in the drink. Today was spent hardly moving from the corner of a couch watching Chowder, too many episodes of That 70's Show, and football(...) and watching John kind of fail at making a bracelet. Not to mention the fact that my nose has been all but raped throughout the course of the day. Relief came when we ventured out of the apartment for a trip to Applebee's where we successfully proved our mental capabilities to our waitress. Following that we headed back and watched Brittany take about 5 tries to make a successful wedding card for her cousin.

Making a long story short, I basically love life right now.

Epp Seven

You know what I hate? I am a grown woman and teenage kids can still make me want to shrink into nothing. I'm too old for this.
But tonight was one of the most cherished events in a college student's life: Free coffee night at the local coffee house. The organized event was bingo. We did not win. At all. So most of the time was spent socializing with everyone.
From my table, there were close friends, actually playing bingo, loud-as-fuck rednecks, Vas antagonizing the bingo caller. Btw, Vas is a 50 year old friend of my sister's who hugged up on me in the beginning of the night, and once, while slightly inebriated, gave me some of the best advice I can remember that wasn't from my mama.
Then there was the table in the middle, with a coconut/man juice/carrot/strawberry concoction, Bill Cosby, sitting on Leesa's lap, rere noises, choking Frittany with excitement.
But I spend most of my time outside with a few friendly acquaintances. Talking about secondhand chainsmoking, handmade, perfectly sized leather moccasins for cheap I fully intend to buy, the concept of masculinity, how to make money off the internet, some manipulated comments (a skill all women have and should probably use more often) that accused them of calling me a variety of names including ugly, fat, skanky, disease-ridden, incestuous, a pedophile, and probably more. Now I need to think of more creative ways to make Alex uncomfortable.
For everything that could go wrong, tonight was pretty bitchin'. Times like this I really like people.
MEWO: I've been a bad, bad girl.

Episode Six.

As is turns out, people are crazy enough to want to eat other people's boogers, as long as these people happen to be famous and crazy and named "Jimmy Urine"

MEWO: The Mindless Self Indulgence concert was nuts.

Epp Five

Wednesday was a Denny's day. We learned that Bohn can't talk, it isn't just me. Leesa is now hacking up a lung because of a chunk of food that flew out of Smennis' throat. Frittany got the bitchin necklace and as predicted Smennis was so jealous. But really now, who wouldn't be? Leesa probably has more to say than I can. All I remember is having hissy fits with Leesa, feminine hygene products in the back of the car, and making Bohn uncomfortable because he hates people and we almost touched him that one time.
Other than that, my life has consisted of destroying electronics, sunset walks, exhilerating rides on farm equipment, abandoned rock foundations, broken beer bottles, 90s sweaters, video games, talking about women, and shooting stars. This hick town ain't so bad.
MEWO: I have to clean a three month mess is one hour. Wish me luck.

Eppie Four

I've been on a pop music binge as of late. Like 4srs, I'm rockin' out to Nelly Furtado at the moment.

Anywho, week so far is okayish:
friends with 1,000 dollar speeding tickets, getting midgets coffee, matchy-matchy blazers, number lines!, grown man bitch fits, "Oh gross, he's so...indie.", tiny Greek man penis, Carrier pigeons, lap-sitting on public transport, purple clam necklaces, "wait...is that a vagina...or...?", random deli guy, clay pokemon, "JUSTGETMEAYOHOO!", dollar ripping, lezzbeanzz on teh bus.

And yay Denny's tomorrow, so a post will most likely be in order.

Episode Three: Better than Your Moma.

Episode Two: Matt Dremer

It. It was horrifying.

It stated innocently enough. A rather graceful dying-swan fall in the entrance of a museum. The hairgelled greeter asks if I'm okay. Leesa and I were too busy laughing. Eventually, joking about euthanasia and other wonderful remidies gave way to us actually leaving. What we didn't figure out at the time, was the intense power of CREEPER MATT. We were fooled. We though, "hey, he's just another awkward twenty-year-old-dude with too much hairgel" and went on our merry way. We exchange quips with him whenever we pass.

Little did we know. Oh, how ignorant we were.

As we wait for Brandii to get done with work, we sit at the cafe-part of the job, open and near the entrence with the greeters. He walks towards us, and starts talking. Something about a little hand pulling at his coattails as he tried giving directions. He procedes to DEMONSTRATE the hand-on-lower-back- thing, and smiles freeze and goosebumps of creeped-out raise up. He then compares the THREE YEAR OLD GIRL to a PLAYBOY MODEL.

He leaves. Leesa and I look at each other, weirded out. Oh, but he keeps coming back to talk to us. The conversations get WORSE. Opera. Gloved hands in nooks and crannies. How thongs reduce cellulite. When he works. Glass underwear. "Manscaping". Three guess who didn't bring this shit up? I craved pepper spray. This isn't even the full extent of everything he said. I won't delve any farther into manscaping, but it was discussed by it, extensivly. I held an umbrella in front of me for most of the encounters, ready to stab him with it given the oppertunity. Of course, he isn't hitting on Leesa. Oh, no. He's hitting on me. Death would be kinder. Matt Dremer, go die in a fire. DIE.

MEWO: The memories still burn. Need to scrub at self until any residue of IT is gone.

Eppie#1

Yeah, I said it, eppie.

So, who wants to hear about the riveting life of a community college student? So yeah: psychology was like learning about brains and stuff. Had an hour break and made the most 4srsly delicious cup of dark chocolate coffee. Had a sexy crit. in professor sexy's class. etc, etc, etc.
Rode the bus with the smelly lesbian/obese man that has a hard on/girlie erection for real Trisha. Microwaved some babies with an epileptic woman.

Met with Brandii (late of course. . .) and had a cute girlie pizza date. Swapped for Jayyne and had a sexy walk. And met...

Intru with In-tu-it Inuits

It's BRAAAAAAANDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Leesa would be explaining the meaning of life, but right now she's noodling everywhere.
We are very excited to bring you life from our point of view. Which is significantly superior to the views of those we write about.

By the way, this is Leesa and um, did anyone see the hot&sexxii clips of Daniel Radcliffe prancing about all naked and stuff in Equus? Hello nugget of a penis, I mean 4srs. Jaynenenenenene?

It's kinda sad. Like a baby bird that's tiny and small and hairy. Trying to fly.
Euuw.

MEWO:
We got crunk at a fest with burr then the sirens went off and we got scurred at the dd yaknow?
Whatever happened to Shaggy?
Umbrella penis-defense, ftw.